6 Tips to Survive Long Separation in Marriage

Today’s society finds mobility of family life a blessing to the intellect. It has obviously helped to broaden people’s minds. But what does the mobile society do about a person’s emotional life?

Many people are on the move together — father gets a job away from home and takes his family over to his place of work. But for a vast majority of couples, mobility means leaving wife and children behind as the husband tries to cope with life single-handed. Airline pilots, sailors, salesmen, journalists, news photographers, soldiers know what it is to be separated from their families and if medals were awarded them for good service, they know that their wives deserve them too.

Departures and arrivals are always exciting but the lonely waiting in between cap put a strain on marriage. It can be agony for the wife who not only has to deal with loneliness but worry about her husband and discharge parental duties alone. So what does a woman do to occupy herself while her husband is away? How does she manage to continue feeling as intensely about him as she did before?

Short separation is seldom a problem and can even be a refreshing experience. The first time the husband is away on business for a few days, his wife and children realize the extent of the gap he leaves and feel how much they miss him. Some couples find being separated, even for a short time, intolerable. Newly married couples feel it, unless separation starts early and become a constant feature in the marriage. If a wife is too dependent emotionally on her husband, separation can lead to such a state of insecurity for the dependent partner that either her nerves or the marriage breaks down.

For the survival of any marriage that involves long separation, it becomes essential to:

1) Sort out the right balance of dependence and independence. When they’re together, each partner should be dependent on the other to keep the marriage from turning into an emotional vacuum. But when they’re apart they must be capable of an independent life. It may take years of experience to get the right balance but patience helps.

2) If the wife is merely keeping the home fires burning, her personality is in danger of disentegrating, and she may center her life around her children while her husband is away. But too much of it has its dangers for the wife and the children.

3) The safest course is for the woman to find some interest, work, or leisure, that will absorb her mind sufficiently for her to think of it as an achievement of her own. For some wives, a full-time career may be necessary.

4) Communication is of vital importance. Letters and phone calls provide continuing contact and prevent a couple from drifting apart during a lengthy separation. They must keep in touch with each other’s thoughts and activities to prevent resentment from over taking place.

5) The question of fidelity during long absences may be solved by a tactful acceptance that the partner’s own conscience can be trusted. Maintaining a not too rigid concern about the other’s activities based on the assumption that he is trying to cope with the difficulties of a lonely life, also helps.

6) Talking to other wives of absentee husbands will help ease the loneliness and keep the wife’s personality as alive as her husband’s when she welcomes him home.

Separation is a severe test of marriage but if the couple is able, to cope with it, the rewards are high. Although good-byes can be painful, hellos can make a couple feel like newlyweds again.

How to Give Your Boyfriend Space

It’s a bit of a running joke sometimes, about the man in your life needing more “space”, but in reality, it’s no joke at all. Any relationship in which two people behave in an overly dependent manner can feel oppressive or smothering for either party, and indicates a need for one or both people to learn to cope apart as well as together.

A healthy relationship will always benefit from giving each other space, and never more so than when you feel that your boyfriend is champing at the bit to be “released” a little more often to just be by himself or to spend time with his mates. If you’re finding it challenging to let go even though the relationship’s becoming a bit too much to handle, it’s a sign that now more than ever, you do need to learn to give him his space. Here are some suggestions to help you. Give him space enough to miss you but never leave it long enough for him too forget and stop needing you !


Reach a decision that it’s alright to give your boyfriend space. The sooner you accept that giving one another space is normal, healthy, and indeed necessary for a flourishing relationship, the better for the both of you. If things have been reaching breakpoint in your relationship, try letting the situation go for a while. Stop wanting to control what he’s doing, and stop worrying and being frustrated about what you’re not getting out of the relationship. Instead, just relax in the present moment. By letting things be, they often have a way of fixing themselves on their own.

  • Realize that your boyfriend is more likely to want to break up with you if you keep breathing down his neck than if you give him the space he craves.
  • Don’t assume the worst when he asks for space;
  • Trust

Ask questions to clarify what’s going on. Without appearing paranoid or overly emotional, be forthright in asking your boyfriend what he sees as being given space, and how much time he’s contemplating. Is he wanting a few days or weeks now, or does he want this to be a permanent arrangement, such as having every Saturday to himself? This can help to reassure you that he has sound reasons for wanting space that don’t involve breaking up with you, and it gives both of you some solid ground to work out the duration or precise times you won’t be turning up in his life.

Sort something out amicably. At this stage, it’s vital that you don’t come across as needy, petulant, or terrified of losing him. Whatever you do, do not walk off in a huff or throw a fit. Both reactions are calculated to have him retreat even further into his shell and feel justified for wanting even more space! Instead, visualize yourself as a person negotiating something that is perfectly reasonable, then go ahead and negotiate it without appearing too down.

  • Don’t look like you need him.
  • Avoid begging for anything.

Shape up your own time. Instead of feeling mopey and clingy, see this as a great opportunity to occupy yourself with a range of things to do and friends to meet up with. Rediscover or uncover a hobby, new or old friends, and activities. Become more involved in your career direction and perhaps think about improving your chances of getting a promotion. Get some purpose back into your life that allows you to grow and exist apart from your boyfriend, and to be able to prove to him that you’re capable on your own, which will reassure him more than anything else that you’re not going to suffocate him.

  • Get outdoors and do some fun activities.
  • If you feel as if you’ve lost yourself when he asks for space, this is a good indication that you need the space as much as he does.
  • Realize and embrace the power of showing that you have a life of your own.

Be patient. If you both want the relationship to succeed at a gradual pace, then love the space for the chances it provides you both. Take time to discover each other and yourselves rather than always trying to please one another or set one another off when things don’t fall into place as you’d like. When you allow your boyfriend the space to think, to do the things he loves, and to be with his mates, he’ll start missing you soon enough and wanting you by his side again.

Respect his choices and his freedom. The more respect and freedom you give your boyfriend, the more he’ll come to you, because you’ll be someone who doesn’t make demands on him. Nobody likes demands, and guys are especially uncomfortable when they feel the pressure of romantic demands. Such pressure can push them away from people pushing the demands on them. On the other hand, if a guy can spend time with someone who loves him for who he is, and just lets him be himself with no conditions or demands placed on him, he’ll absolutely love you. Love unconditionally, which simply means: set no conditions.

Be his best friend. Listen when he talks and don’t comment until he’s done talking. When you do comment, be positive and supportive. Don’t criticize or judge – if you feel you need to do that, think very carefully about why you want to be with him.

Change your own bad habits. If you have any bad habits you know he doesn’t like (like whining, clinging, gossiping, etc.), seek to change them. And prove to him you are changed. He may test you, so give him time – his new trust won’t come fast, so you need to be patient and consistent. Always remember, people do change once they make up their mind to do so, which means so can you.

Don’t give your boyfriend space as a ruse just to manipulate him and then try to seek to control him again. Do it because you want to change the way you approach your relationship together and because you love him and trust that this is the right thing for your relationship at this point. When you approach the space issue with the right mindset of broadening your own life experiences and respecting his time to do the same, you’ll be more confident and independent no matter what the final outcome.

Relax and be the girl he fell in love with. Be happy and carefree, learn to love yourself as much as you love him, and find constructive ways to share time together and apart. Once you’ve got the balance sorted, you’ll never look back.

How to Have a Healthy Relationship

There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines.

  1. Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Ask yourself why you aren’t happy. Too often, relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames the partner. Your life is solely under your control, with your relationship you have to take the good with the bad. You need to give as well as take. This is with the exception of domestic violence.
  2. Make and keep clear agreements. Respect the differences between yourself and your partner. Do not expect your partner to agree with you on every issue. Reach a mutual agreement or plan, and then commit to it. If you say you’re going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time or call if you absolutely must be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety.
  3. Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can choose to be right or to have a successful relationship. You can’t always have both. Many people argue to be “right” about something. They say. “If you loved me, you would…” and argue to hear the other say, “Fine, you’re right.” If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that, while you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, you love and share and learn from those experiences. And if you can’t reach any kind of mutual agreement, that doesn’t mean either of you are wrong.
  4. Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. A true relationship will consist of both partners who need to equally contribute. Not only is that the only type of relationship that will work out, but it will work out in both of your favor.
  5. Tell the unarguable truth. Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone’s feelings, either their own or their partner’s. Lies create disconnection between you and your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. For any sort of relationship, to work you need to have trust.
  6. Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It’s about taking control of your current situation. Talk about the issue and try to reach a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation in the future and then commit to it. If you can’t reach an agreement, it’s a bad sign. If you learn from the past and do not repeat the same pattern, it’s a good sign. It’s the only way to prevent yourself from more disappointment, anger or resentment. Respect your partner, when your partner tells you to leave them alone, do give him or her the time and space.
  7. Review your expectations. Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations – including acceptable and unacceptable behavior and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation.
  8. Be Responsible. Here’s a new definition: responsible means having the ability to respond. Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you or your partner are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you’ve been snippy to your partner, own up to it and say sorry. You’ll be amazed how this works
  9. Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don’t have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don’t want to argue but to talk and make it better.
  10. Admit your mistakes and say sorry. One possible way to do this is to talk after having a misunderstanding or argument. For example you can ask your partner to give you some time to think of the wrong and right things that you and he/she did. Ask your partner to do the same thing and talk to them when you are both ready. Ask your partner to give you time to talk and explain to them why you were angry, the wrong things you did, the things they did that you did not like and what you would like them to change. Ask your partner to do the same thing and give them a fair chance to talk and explain also. This will make your relationship stronger and help strengthen the communication between you and your partner.
  11. Spend some quality time together. No matter how busy you two are, there is always an excitement when you do something together, when you share your precious time. Play a sport, eat at a restaurant, or watch your favorite movies together. You will feel the magic of love and connection that you have with each other.
  12. Laugh Together. Not only is it true that laughter is the best medicine, but it’s also true that laughter can make a great relationship. In a tedious relationship, it is hard to communicate with your partner and share humorous feelings. Not only does laughing establish a connection, it can help keep passionate feelings in perspective.
  13. Develop a realistic expectation about sex and intimacy. This should not be based on what is taught in the media or films. This also implies finding new and creative ways to pleasing each other intimately.
  14. Arrange a safe haven (time and place) from the stressful daily hassles of life to enjoy one another. This can include a quiet dinner along the beach, a walk in the park, etc.
  15. Very importantly, support each other. If your partner has to do something for his school, studies or work, support them. This will make them feel loved, and it will make them realize that they also have a friend in you, not just a romantic interest. Be supportive. Be their number one fan.